


The 650-Dollar Goat

by thekalaban



Category: Glee (TV)
Genre: Alien Abduction, F/F, Friendship, High School, Humor, The Unholy Trinity - Freeform, William McKinley High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-03
Updated: 2012-06-03
Packaged: 2017-11-06 17:32:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekalaban/pseuds/thekalaban
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brittany sold her uncle's goat because of Barbra Streisand and Rachel Berry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 650-Dollar Goat

**Author's Note:**

> I had this exact weird dream during my siesta and decided to write it down because of all the New Directioners, I can really relate to Brittany's deadpan humor. I can definitely be Brittany's brother in another universe.  
> Addition of other details was made in order to "meatify" the story.
> 
> I hope that this one is canon-compliant (Brittana-wise, Gleeverse-wise). Like Santana and Kurt are the only ones who call Brittany 'Britt-Britt'. I usually get these from the [Queen of Brittanalysis](http://themostrandomfandom.tumblr.com/) and by watching the show itself.

Today, in the north hallways of William McKinley High School, Ms. Rachel Berry is walking faster than she usually does. Rachel usually reserves this gait whenever she is excited to perform a new song to the New Directions (which is really a proposal for a new solo in an upcoming performance); when she goes home on a Tuesday – the Berry’s Night; or during a rain. She hates getting all her clothes wet. If I was there in Ohio, in her school, I would tell her to walk and not to run – I saw an episode of Brainiac (UK) that experimented on this matter. Apparently, in this particular moment, the three common stimuli for this walk are not the reason.

> From: Brittany Pierce  
>  _Hi Rachel this is Brittany I need to see you in the president’s office Plus do not bring anyone Bring yourself._

_  
_President Brittany Susan Pierce sent a text message to Rachel this morning which showed to be of an urgent matter. Actually the New Direction’s ladies have organized meetings in the past. Rachel thought this might be the reason and she is pretty excited because she gets to talk and in a way bond with the girls; even though the meetings do not end good. Her enthusiasm was fuelled more by the discreet eye contacts Brittany gave to each girl inside the Choir Room wherein Santana and Quinn nodded in return. Sugar and Mercedes even responded with thumbs up! Berry was surprised with the connection made and when Brittany looked at her, she just nodded. Feeling both excited and confused, Rachel Berry proceeded to have a special girls-only meeting with the current student body’s president after school.

  
As Rachel stepped in front of the president’s room, she sees that the lights are off inside. The school started to place glass panels in all the doors (except the comfort rooms) to insinuate an environment where all your actions can be seen by someone and to discourage school property damage by the faculty, students or the other employees. Irritated, she turned the door knob and it worked. She stepped inside and the lights in the hallway showed what is really inside the dark room.

  
“Hey, Rachel! Get inside now. Someone might see us…” whispered Brittany while in sitting on the floor in a corner of the room.

  
“Oh – okay. But I’ll turn on the lights. I feel uncomfortable in a room with its lights off.” Rachel said.

“No! No! I have to give you something, please hurry up and sit in front of me” Brittany seems to be in a hurry and is agitated. Rachel wonders why. There were times when situations like this happen with Brittany and it always turn out weird or senseless. But Rachel’s in this room right now so no sense in leaving.

 

Rachel closed the door and turned on her phone to serve as a light. She and Brittany are not that close even though both are seniors. Maybe because Rachel’s always in her bubble of singing and performing great while Brittany’s in another world dancing, supporting the New Directions and Santana. But despite their differences during the past years, they managed to be friends, as with the whole of the New Directions.

  
“Where is everybody?! I thought we are having an annual New Directions’ Girls-Only Meeting? I saw what you did this morning in the choir room – you sent eye contact invites to all the girls!” Rachel is getting irritated.

  
Brittany opened her phone and placed it just below her face. “No Rachel, that was my secret CIA mission. Every two weeks, I am assigned by the director to look straight into the eyes of my friends and detect if they were abducted by aliens, just like what happened to me. I just want to protect you all.”

  
Rachel Berry can only open and her mouth due to speechlessness.

  
“Good thing all of you responded with confirmations. If one of you did not react correctly, it means you were either possessed or recently abducted by aliens!” Brittany threatened with a voice just above a whisper.

  
“Okay. Okay.” A wide-eyed Rachel responded.

  
Brittany nodded. She grabbed her bag and brought out a small brown envelope. She handed it to Rachel, who reluctantly held it. “Barbra. Agent Barbra gave me this envelope to be protected until the time comes Rachel Berry is ready to receive it. Now is that time.”

  
“A few years ago, in my backyard, three green aliens abducted me in my bed. I was making Barbie and Ken sleep by that time because they have a flight to Tampa the next day. I was so sad because I was not able to kiss the both of them!” Brittany told with a frown.

  
Rachel fiddled with the envelope.

  
“You can open it now. Inside the spaceship, I saw Agent Barbra. She has a lot of tube and hooks attached to her chest and throat. Before I could speak to the agent, an alien injected something in my shoulder and I felt sleepy. I tried to fight back but I ended up asleep.”

  
The envelope contains $650. Rachel Berry was surprised to see the amount of money inside. But her fathers raised her not to accept money from anyone without a decent reason or if she does not need it in an emergency situation. Rachel thought that this could be one of Brittany’s episodes where she just do something out of hand but nonetheless harmless.

  
“Brittany, I cannot accept this amount of money. You should keep it. I cannot accept it.” Rachel smiled as she placed the envelope in front of Brittany.

  
Brittany looked confused. “But Agent Barbra told me to give it to you! I swear, before we parted she sang a song like the one you always sing that made the spaceship crash. I was rescued because of Agent Barbra. I think the song is ‘Parade on My Rain?’ Agent Barbra’s voice is so awesome.” Brittany smiled as she recollects what happened during her alien abduction.

  
Rachel can only laugh at the realization. “Agent Barba? ‘Parade on My Rain?’ Did you mean Barbra Streisand and ‘Don’t Rain On My Parade’?”

  
“Yes Rachel! That’s it! I was busy clapping when all the aliens fell on the floor. Too bad something hit me in the head so I fell asleep again. Too bad.”  
Rachel continues to laugh in the dark.

  
Suddenly, the door opened revealing Santana and Quinn in their cheerleading uniforms. “Hey, Britt! You’re going to be late for the practice! Coach is throwing ice on everybody in the gym!” Santana’s voice is really angry right now.

  
Rachel stood up to greet the newcomers. “Hello Quinn, hello Santana. Sorry I must have kept Brittany away for a few minutes before your cheerleading practice.”

  
“Why on Earth are you even here, Berry?” Quinn questioned, smiling.

  
“Yes, why are you here with my Britts?” Santana definitely finds Rachel and Brittany together amusing.

  
“Well Brittany handed me an envelope full of money saying Barbra Streisand became a CIA agent who gave her this package inside a spaceship to be given to me!”  
Santana and Quinn looked at each other, eyes full of confusion.

  
Brittany walked towards Santana to give her girlfriend a hug. “I don’t know why wouldn’t Rachel accept Agent Barbra’s package. She told me you will need it in a tight situation in the future…”

  
Santana can only laugh at her girlfriend. In moments like this, seeing Brittany all sad and a little bit disappointed makes her heart flutter. This is one of the things she loves about Brittany – her wild (in a good way), beautiful, powerful imagination. Santana does not see Brittany as stupid, like everyone else in McKinley thinks of her. Brittany just has her own unique ways of expressing her true strengths – like dancing and making stories. One just has to be patient towards Britt. Santana is one of these people. This is one of the things that made the diva fall in love with the student body president.

  
“I do not understand what’s happening…can someone explain all of this?” Quinn is both worried and confused regarding the situation.

  
“Now, now Brittany. What did I tell you about this dream of yours?” Santana said, softly, as she pushed the hair in Brittany’s ears away.

  
Brittany looked sad, but then she straightened up, as if Santana’s words made her snap out of the confusion. She turned around to face Rachel Berry.

  
“Rachel, I am really sorry for my actions today. I really thought Agent Barbra was in danger and that her package needed to be sent to you personally. Now I don’t know what to do with this envelope…”

  
Quinn stepped inside the room. “Brittany, where did you get this sum of money?”

  
“I sold my uncle’s fat goat to a hobo near Breadstix. He said that he is building a farm so needs some farm animals.” Brittany declared.

  
“Oh Britt-Britt!” Santana hugged Brittany. Brittany hugged back, with the same intensity.

  
Rachel and Quinn laughed. It is no ordinary day when Brittany does these actions for someone other than Santana or her family. Brittany probably remembered Barbra Streisand as Rachel Berry’s hero and the signature song ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade’ could have triggered the fantasy more. In a way, this is Brittany’s version of showing care to the people that matter around her. Though the dreams tend to be on the ecclectic side, Brittany’s inner goodness shines through. Santana can only be prouder of the girl that makes her happy.

 

“Girls, if Schuester arranged a show tunes practice at this hour of the day, I am definitely going to shave his head!” Coach Sue Silvester shouted, with the help of her loudspeaker.

  
The Unholy Trinity left for practice and Rachel Berry went home as they parted ways in the north hallways of William McKinley High School.

**Author's Note:**

> The goat is the same goat Brittany mentioned in the episode 'Comeback' (S02E13) wherein the money Rachel gave Brittany was 'eaten by her uncle's goat'. I love these little details they put in which I always detect.


End file.
